Managing Sibling Relationships During COVID Quarantine
The Sibling Dilemma: The Quarantine Edition
(*great tips for households with only-children, too!)
It’s National Sibling’s Day on Friday, and this girl loves herself a theme! So, let’s jump on in, shall we?
Our normal lives have completely gone out the window. Dynamics and relationships are stressed, to say the least. Parents everywhere have found themselves with a new job that they didn’t even have to interview for - homeschool teachers! Kids have new, yet familiar, classmates - their siblings. Life looks very different and it’s not that easy.
Can’t we all just get along?! Let’s take a look at what we can do to make things a little better during this time. Make sure to check back here everyday - I’ll be adding tips daily and giving ideas about how to implement them in your home. Don’t forget to sign-up for my newsletter, so I can let you know as soon as each update is posted.
I hope you find my tips useful! I’m giving you a lot to think about because everyone’s situation is different. Don’t feel like you have to do it all. What is applicable to one person may not be to another, but I’m hoping these suggestions help as many of you as possible!
Above all, please remember - you know your kids and your family best. You have to do what works for you. Don’t make yourself crazy by trying to make things perfect. Good enough is definitely good enough!
MONDAY: MINIMIZE CONFLICTS
Set a schedule and follow it daily (just like school!). Kids like consistency and knowing what to expect. It will help put them at ease, give them a sense of security and help keep them on track.
Check in with your children’s teachers to get their daily schedule at school and use it as a guide if you’re looking for scheduling help. Also, if the order in which your child’s school work is completed doesn’t matter, let them have a say as to how the schedule is arranged (ex., they prefer math in the morning and reading in the afternoon).
How to implement:
Have a family meeting in the morning and go over the schedule,
Give each kid their own written schedule or have a family schedule in a central location for everyone to see. That way, everyone can follow along as the day progresses.
Create a separate space for each child (if possible). This will help them from getting distracted and remove the temptation of bothering their sibling.
Use timers. This helps set expectations and helps with transitions. It also helps ensure that each child stays focused on their assignments and not on interacting with their sibling. Plus, it gives you one less thing to worry about for a given chunk of time. Set it and forget it!
How to implement:
Tell your child which assignment or activity he is supposed to begin before setting the timer. Review the instructions together and answer any questions (or tell your child to save the questions until the end).
Set the timer for any given time. Consider the amount of time you might need to get your work done and how long your child might need to complete the assignment.
Let your child know he is expected to work on his assignment until the timer goes off. If he finishes early, he can read or draw. Explain that when the timer is finished, you will come check in.
Daily quiet time. Pick a consistent time everyday to let each kid recharge and regroup, each in their own space. They can read, play quietly or even nap. (We have quiet time after lunch).
Get moving! Kids are used to recess and PE throughout the day. They have A LOT of energy they need to get out. Help them direct their energy in a positive way by going for a walk, doing yoga or a game of freeze dance.
Tip: If your kids starting to push each other's buttons this is a great time to take a quick break and start up the workout routine!
Build camaraderie. Help nurture your kids’ relationship.
How to implement:
Pick a game to play where the kids can be on the same team versus the parents (charades, Pictionary, trivia game, freeze dance, hide and seek, etc…). Your kids get to work together, bond and cheer each other on. Watch as your kids create a new dynamic where they learn to support each other.
Start a family jar. Anytime one of the kids complete a task, add a marble (for example) to the family jar. Once the jar is filled, the kids get a special treat together. They both are working towards the same goal and are in it together.
Don't feel like you have to jump in right away. This is a good opportunity to let your kids try to work things out on their own. If they’re unable to and you see things escalating, go in and model how they should resolve the situation.
Set them up for success. For example, if you know your kids will fight about taking turns while baking cookies, then try calling one in at a time to do their portion of the baking. If you're doing an art or science project, try giving your kids separate sets of supplies so they won't argue over who gets what. Now is the time to pick your battles.
In the spirit of sharing, I want you to know that you’re not alone. My personal goal is just to get through each day and keep everyone sane ;). I’d say that’s a win!
TUESDAY: TOGETHERNESS
At a time when so much is uncertain, it can really help to focus on giving your kids comfort and compassion during your day to day. Let them be seen and let them be heard. Use this time of togetherness to really be…together. By doing so, you’ll not only strengthen your relationship with your kids, but take some of the potential tension out of their dynamic.
Here’s some tips on building a sense of togetherness within your family:
Start the day off connecting as a family. This can mean enjoying a a nutritious breakfast together, taking turns sharing positive affirmations, setting up a gratitude practice, working on a project or going out for a quick walk. Start up a morning routine that feels right to you and helps ground your family for their day.
Check-in at least every hour (even for a minute). Homeschooling your kids while working a full-time job from home is definitely difficult. If your kids are working or playing independently so you can get work done, make sure to take a break every hour and see what they’re up to. It adds to the predictability of their routine and lets them know you’re there for them.
Spend one-on-one time with each of your kids, even if it's five minutes here and there. Ask open-ended questions and give them a chance to talk. A great opportunity for this is when one child is working on a class assignment and the other may be enjoying free time.
Get in the kitchen together. This is a great time to get kids excited about cooking and teach them about nutritious food. Let them help with meal preparation or make a special activity out of it. You can even ask if they have special requests for meals and then make them together!
Make the mundane magical. Run a huge bubble bath for the kids, get in fancy clothes for dinner, make up a family handshake, or make scrapbooks together. If the opportunity arises, go for the fun!
It's okay to bend the rules a little. This is a very different time for us and our kids. What was our normal life is completely out the window! When something inevitably goes wrong,, take a deep breath, and determine if it’s something you can let go. By the same token, if one of your kiddos seems down, maybe let them have some quiet time instead of jumping straight into class assignments. Tune-in to what your kids are experiencing day to day.
Give out unlimited hugs and kisses. Did you know that the flow of oxytocin after a six second hug affects you in the following ways? It lowers blood pressure and helps with anxiety; it lowers cortisol (the stress hormone); and it increases your social connections and sense of belonging. So, go ahead and dole out the affection!
End-of-the-Day Wrap Up. Take a few extra minutes at bedtime to just chat. Sum up the day, go over the highs and just hang out for a minute. Decompress together by reading or chatting. Enjoy the small moments.
WEDNESDAY: INCENTIVES
Another way to keep the sibling discord at bay is to keep your kids motivated to get along and cooperate with management (i.e., YOU!). How do we do this you might ask? Incentivize them!
Try an FIrst/Then. This looks like, “First do your reading, then watch TV”. Make sure to use preferred activities to motivate your child to complete the non-preferred activities.
Set end-of-the-day goal. This has really been working in our house. Our kids earn points throughout the day to earn the privilege of watching TV. When they get 5 points, they’re allowed to watch TV.
Other great rewards: FaceTime with friends, a special activity, an extra book at bedtime, bubble bath, or whatever your kids are into!
Let the kids know how they can earn points - doing something nice for their sibling, doing an extra chore without being asked, finishing a difficult school assignment, etc…
Give out the praise! Make a big deal out of when your kiddos do something great. High-fives, big hugs, clapping or just some great, genuine compliments can go a long way. For example, “I love how you helped your brother do x“ or “It was really nice when you helped me clear the dishes - thank you!“. Make your kiddo feel seen and appreciated and they’ll want to continue to earn the praise. P.S. - adults love this, too ;)
THURSDAY: THE SIBLING DILEMMA
What happens when you find out one of your kids has life-threatening food allergies and the other one has been enjoying years of food freedom? This is what I call "The Sibling Dilemma". Read all about our family's story, the lessons we learned and tips on handling the situation over on my earlier post (click here). Let me know what you and your family do in the comments - let’s all help each other!
FRIDAY: SIBLING CELEBRATION!
We made it! And, it's National Sibling Day to boot. Part of being a Health Coach is to help guide you through the tough times and cheer you on as you explore what does and does not work for you. I hope that during this week you were able to test out some tactics and make small improvements in your family's lives.
Now, let's celebrate! Let's celebrate you, your kids and our community. You got through another tough week of quarantine and you deserve this!! Read on for some fun ideas - I'd love to do this together, so tag me on Instagram (@hey_kimk) and let's par-tay!
Set-up a card making station. Round up all your art supplies and let the kids' imaginations run wild. Ask them to make a card for their sibling(s), letting them know how special they are.
Make homemade gifts. My daughter already told me she wants to make her brother a glow-in-the-dark rock because he's scared of the dark. Bless her little heart - she can really be so thoughtful sometimes. Now, not sure how we're gonna make this rock glow, but we'll figure something out! Other ideas: use string or yarn to make friendship bracelets, create a small activity book with mazes, word jumbles, etc..., decorate a tissue box to turn it into a keepsake box, or draw a picture and frame it with popsicle sticks. Really, anything goes!
Throw a dance party. Put on your family’s favorite tunes and let loose! Release some endorphins while jamming out together. Fun and stress-relieving all at once. It’s a win-win.
Play "How Well Do You Know Each Other." It's kinda like The Newlywed Game, but not. Tell the kids to sit together and get ready to explain the rules: you’ll be asking them questions and then they’re supposed to point to the person who the question best describes. The goal of the game is to see how many questions they give the same answers to. It’s just fun to see their perception of one another, how well they know each other and it makes them think! Some of my questions are "who usually cleans up after themselves?," "who dislikes baths more?," etc... Check out my Instagram for our family's take on this! (@hey_kimk)
Cook/bake something special. We're going to make Double Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread (click here for the recipe). It's nut-free and I happen to have all of the ingredients, so we're going for it! Tag me on what you make - I want to join in your fun!
Thanks for following along this week. Bookmark this post and come back as often as you need it. The tips are here to help you anytime - not just during COVD-19 quarantine and not just to help celebrate National Sibling’s Day.
If you have any questions or comments, I’d love to hear from you below!
p.s. - If you’re looking for some fun, free activities to do with your kiddos while staying at home, head on over to my Resources Page for my go-to list!