The Sibling Dilemma

How to parent siblings when food allergies impact only one child

So, one of your kids is diagnosed with life-threatening food allergies...now what? What happens at home and what does this new family dynamic look like?

When we found out about Noah’s allergies, our daughter, Mackenzie, was already four years old. She had enjoyed a life of food freedom and we were about to drop a bomb in her cashew-loving lap. Our allergist had just scared the bejeezers out of us.  It was time for a maaaajor food revamping in our house. 

Brian and I put the kids to bed that night and stayed up until midnight reading every single food label in our house. We had just received the results of Noah’s bloodwork and based on the advice our of doctor, things needed to change. BIG TIME.  

Our motto became better safe than sorry. We no longer had the luxury of going to the grocery store and buying just anything off of the shelves. We needed to read labels and make sure that not only was the food in our house allergen free, but that there was no chance of cross-contamination.

Next came a sit-down with Mackenzie to tell her the new rules of the house. We all had to be on the same page...as a family and a team. It was a pleasant surprise that our *sometimes* strong-willed child jumped on the bandwagon right away. It’s always nice to get confirmation that your kids actually love each other. 

That was all about three years ago. There’s been some hiccups along the way, but all in all Team Food Allergy is a winner!

Here’s our version of how we made “the sibling dilemma” work:

• No one can eat any foods containing Noah’s anaphylaxis causing allergens ever. Period. (We learned this the hard way after a reaction from a kiss).

• None of his allergy foods can enter the house.

• Big Sis can eat foods containing Noah’s non-anaphylactic allergens outside of the home. She gets to go on special restaurant dates for her favorite - sushi - which we usually shy away from due to Noah’s sesame allergy. By being flexible with Big Sis it helps show her that we also are aware of her feelings and her sacrifices.

• We don’t eat food that Noah can’t eat in front of him when out at a restaurant or when ordering in (sometimes we’ll get delivery and will be unsure of cross-contamination of a certain dish). We’ve been lucky enough to find restaurants we’re comfortable taking Noah to and make it special for him.

• No sharing drinks/cups or food- this helps prevent any reactions from something eaten outside of the home that potentially could cause a reaction. Also, this is a good habit to teach little ones for when they start preschool or daycare. 

• We taught Big Sis about Noah’s allergies and she knows she always needs to ask a parent before offering any food from outside of our home to her brother.

• Give praise and/or positive reinforcement when Big Sis shows empathy for Noah’s situation.

• Allow Big Sis a safe space to vent about the situation and be heard.

• Offer lots of hugs and words of support for both kiddos whenever they need it!

For more on sibling relationship tips, click here to check out my tips on how to help your kids to get along (or in the very least, tolerate each other)!